5 stars

Book Review – Dirty Red (Love Me With Lies #2) by Tarryn Fisher

July 23, 2013 by Aestas · 4 Comments

HOLY HELL. What an absolutely brilliant book. 5+ stars!

If you are new to this series, be sure to check out my review of Book #1 first 🙂

“I have done a number of things to keep this man. I have lied and cheated. I have been sexy and meek, fierce and vulnerable. I have been everything but myself. He is mine right now, but I am never enough for him. I can feel it – see it in the way he looks at me. His eyes are always probing, searching for something. I don’t know what he’s looking for. I wish I did…

I am who I am.

My name is Leah, and I will do anything to keep my husband.”

This is a book about a villain. I was morbidly curious about it and yet very apprehensive. I couldn’t imagine enjoying a book that was told entirely from the perspective of a selfish, manipulative liar. I was sure I would hate it and, in truth I don’t think I have ever hated a character as much as I did Leah but I absolutely loved the book and that is a true testament to the strength and pure genius of Tarryn Fisher’s writing.

That being said, Leah was just a vile, venomous snake. She was the master of power play and manipulation and this book delves right into the twisted mind of a selfish, self-absorbed, cold-hearted, conniving, jealousy-plagued woman willing to go to any lengths to keep her prize. Any. Lengths.

“I want what Olivia has. I want to be enough for him… I’ll never leave him. If I leave him, she wins.”

The first line of this book gutted me. Totally gutted me. H.o.l.y. H.e.l.l.

I was in shock – absolute shock – and after reading the first two pages, I’d decided without a shadow of a doubt that I would hate Leah forever for that. It was as though she’d been born without a moral compass.

“I picture myself hogtying Olivia and dumping her in the Everglades for the gators to deal with. Of course I would never do that – I would hire someone to do it for me.”

I’m not going to say anything about the plot because honestly, anything I say will be a spoiler for book #1 and I don’t to ruin the experience for anyone because reading this series truly is an journey worth taking.

Suffice it to say that this is Leah’s story and is told entirely from her POV. It is a direct continuation timeline-wise from where book #1 left off but has many flashbacks scattered throughout that help fill in blanks from the past and further tie the pieces of this brilliantly tangled mess of a story together.

Because of the way the story gets you right into her mind though, I could see that at her core she was really just a very damaged, insecure woman. But then again, everyone has damage of some kind and there is a point where being damaged can no longer suffice as an excuse. Her insecurities took her into the land of psycho. I could understand where she was coming from because her backstory gave us insight into why she was insecure and I mean her husband was in love with another woman and she knew it from the first time they’d met so her feelings were understandable to a certain extent but her actions were not. It went too far. Especially the way she handled the new development in this story line (spoiler which I can’t talk about) – honest to goodness, that just made me sick to my stomach.

The writing is just pure brilliance! The descriptions, the details, the emotions, the dialogue, the subtext, the layers upon layers upon layers were woven together in such a way that despite how much I hated Leah, I enjoyed every word of this book.

This was the first time I’d read a book about a character like her and admittedly, it was fascinating to see her thoughts, learn what spurned all of her hateful actions, watch her twist reality over and over again to continually paint herself as the victim.

“No! I think. I am not the poisonous snake. Olivia is. Everything that I’ve had to do is her fault. I am innocent.”

I read the entire book with this angsty, almost queesy feeling in my heart. I was lightheaded. At times I felt like I wanted to throw up. It was worse than anything I’d felt in book one. It was like watching your favorite puppy walk right into a nest of vipers.

There were moments in the book where I wanted to be able to feel bad for her. But then she’d do something just so horrid that it would wash away my pity and replace it with seething hatred. I waffled back and forth between hatred and pity but mostly ended up sitting on the hatred side of the fence.

Maybe if she hadn’t so thoroughly fucked up the lives of the characters I cared about, I might have been able to but… I just HATED her. She disgusted me. She was a pathetic wretch of a person who was just too selfish and manipulative for me to ever be able to truly pity.

We don’t see much of Olivia in this book but her brief appearances are just epic and every hint of an appearance or reference to her gave me heart palpitations. There is one scene though in particular where I have almost two solid pages of text highlighted because of how absolutely phenomenal it was. Again, just pure epic !!!!

I have to say that I am really looking forward to reading Caleb’s POV next because I want to see what on earth he was thinking with Leah. How could he not see how soulless she was? There are so questions to which I desperately need answers.

A relationship like the once Caleb and Leah had simply wasn’t built to last. When the entire framework is build on a foundation of broken hearts and lies, it’s inevitable that it will all come crumbling down… it was just a matter of when.

Caleb and Olivia were and always had been meant for each other. They knew it. I knew it. Leah even knew it…. it was just a question of the right people figuring that out and hoping that once they did, it wouldn’t be too late to salvage this once in a lifetime love.

“They spark… when they’re together, it’s like putting a hurricane and a tornado in the same room – you can feel the tension. I didn’t believe in the cliche of soul mates until I saw them together.”

It is so rare for me to love a book with a love triangle in it. But the reason I loved this one as much as I did was the same reason I loved Thoughtless: I never, for one single moment, doubted Caleb and Olivia’s love for each other. There was no ‘question’ as to who should end up with who.

“I didn’t choose her,” his voice breaks. “Love is illogical. You fall into it like a manhole. Then you’re just stuck. You die in love more than you live in love.”

There were some seriously EPIC lines in this book. Epic. Epic. Epic.!!!!! The ending just built and built and the layer of the story wove themselves into place. More lies were uncovered and finally many truths came out into the light and we were left with a revelation that left me dumbfounded with my jaw on the floor. Utterly in shock!!

Tarryn Fisher is masterfully gifted with words. Without a doubt, this is one of the best written series I’ve read. From the first word to the last, I felt fully connected to every single word of this story.

I’m going straight on to the final book. This series has taken over my life and my heart. I can’t function until I see how it all ends.

If you haven’t yet taken the plunge and started these, do it now!!!!!! They are an absolutely unforgettable roller coaster. I can’t recommend them highly enough!!!

5+ stars!!

Casting – I actually really like the pics used on the covers…

“LOVE ME WITH LIES” SERIES READING ORDER

Book #1 – The Opportunist – Kindle | Paperback | My Review

Book #2 – Dirty Red – Kindle | Paperback | My Review

Book #3 – Thief – Kindle | Paperback | My Review

Book Review – The Opportunist (Love Me With Lies #1) by Tarryn Fisher

July 22, 2013 by Aestas · 19 Comments

Buy Book #1 – THE OPPORTUNIST (Kindle)
Buy Book #2 – DIRTY RED (Kindle) – read my review
Buy Book #3 – THIEF (Kindle) – read my review

“You can only give your heart away once; after that, everything else will chase your first love.”

What a beautiful, broken mess.

The Opportunist was both a breath of fresh air and a sucker punch to the gut.

I loved every single word and yet few books have ever made me so incredibly frustrated. It was a phenomenally well-crafted, multilayered story about complex, flawed characters. It owned me. It made me want to scream and cry. It made me feel. It was devastating, heart-breaking and yet utterly addictive. It was honestly one of the best books I have ever read. It grabbed a hold of my heart and didn’t let go.

5+ stars.

But… before the actual review, you should know that as a reader I like functional couples. Separation makes me twitchy, cheating makes me queasy, and miscommunication makes me want to breathe into a paper bag. So… having heard about this book, I was scared out of my ever-loving mind, terrified even, to start it because it pretty much has every single thing in it that I usually dislike. I was seriously worried that I would flat-out, no holds bared hate it.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. I loved it.

That being said, on more than one occasion I came dangerously close to dashing my Kindle against the wall in frustration and watching it shatter along with my heart but… *holds up one finger* … the story was so well written and the characters were so compelling that I couldn’t help but fall in love with it.

Tarryn Fisher is a master of words and a genius at manipulating the emotions of her readers. Reading this book is like watching a train wreck – you know what’s coming and but you’re absolutely unable to look away.

Ok. Where to start?

“I am Olivia Kaspen, and if I love something I rip it from my life. Not intentionally… not unintentionally either.”

This story follows Olivia. This girl is just full of the most intense tangle of self-doubt and lack of self-worth imaginable. In college she fell in love with a boy and we’re talking head over heels, once-in-a-lifetime love. But she was unable to admit it and the power he had over her heart terrified her so even though it went against everything she wanted deep down, she walked away.

Three years later, she finds out that Caleb, the man she still loves and who still owns her heart, has lost his memory in an accident and she sees this as the perfect opportunity to try and start over. This could be her redo, a chance to wash away the mistakes of the past.

But nothing is ever that simple. He has a life that he’s built since she left and a girlfriend now too, Leah, who is determined not to lose the man she now loves. He may not remember his life but it’s there looming over them and Olivia is racing against time trying desperately to rebuild what they’d lost knowing that at any minute, he could remember everything.

“After three long years, I have what I want and it isn’t real. He doesn’t know who I am, and if he did, he wouldn’t be sitting in my living room… He doesn’t remember me. How could you forget someone you loved even if I did rip his heart to shreds?”

The story is told almost completely from Olivia’s point of view in a mixture of both present day scenes and flashbacks to when they first met so we got to see both their interactions now as well as the build up to the tangled mess they were in before his accident.

They’d met in college. He was the jock who had girls flocking to him left, right and center and she was the girl with no intention of becoming another notch on his bedpost.

“I certainly didn’t care what effect he had on the females on campus. Caleb Drake meant nothing to me. He would never mean anything to me. I was un-shmoozable. The end.”

She was so sure she had him pegged and yet at every step, this relentless, gorgeous boy seemed one step ahead of her…

“Do you take compliments?” he asked…
“If they’re original.”
He snickered and rolled his eyes.
“Okay, okay,” he said. He was trying not to laugh… “Do you want the jock to compliment you or the guy who reads Great Expectations.”

I couldn’t help but root for them. I wanted them to work it out and knowing that things between them had fallen apart in the future made everything that much more painful. I don’t want to say more about the story for now but just know that it kept me riveted right up until the end. Absolutely unputdownable.

Tarryn Fisher’s writing is just phenomenal. This is such a well-crafted book. I honestly would have enjoyed reading it just for the writing alone regardless of how the story turned out. The wording, the flow of the story, it was just totally captivating and absorbing. By the end of the first page, my heart was 100% invested in the story. It drew me in, grabbed hold and didn’t let go.

With the way it’s written, you are right in Olivia’s head experiencing every thought and emotional right along side her. I really loved her character and while I wouldn’t have done the same things she did, I could also totally understand why she did them.

I felt terrible for her. At times, I just wanted to shake her and at others, I just wanted to hug her because I could tell that what was going on with her was almost out of her control. The issues left over by her past had a deep hold on her and despite what she wanted, no matter how desperately she wanted it, it was like she couldn’t help but bring the pain onto herself by shutting out what she wanted most.

“I was a relationship retard. I kicked, shoved, and punched people out of my life, so they never had a chance to hurt me.”

And it didn’t help that, as swoony as Caleb was, he pushed her too far at times and crossed too many lines. Given how difficult being in a relationship was for her in the first place, I could totally understand why she reacted the way she did even though I could also understand his frustration with how much she kept holding back.

I felt bad for her because in many ways, she was her own worst enemy and brought more pain on herself than anyone else did. It was tragic and heart breaking to see how little self-worth she had. It was like she had a self-destruct button that was constantly being pushed. But I didn’t view her as being as bad a person as she thought she was. She was just a flawed, damaged, woman who wanted the man she was in love with with every fiber of her heart and soul but just had no understanding about how to handle her feelings or go about healthily getting what she wanted.

“It’s the same guilt fame I’ve been playing all along, to be near Caleb regardless of the circumstances or cost. Caleb, Caleb, Caleb.”

She was just so locked inside herself. I could see her struggling with her emotions. She was feeling them so strongly but on the inside only and she just couldn’t make the leap to communicate them to him because of how much she feared the power that Celeb had over her heart.

“He watches my face in fascination. He’s looking for a reaction, but my reaction is all on the inside where he can’t see it… where I am hiding it.”

Ok, now I just need take a moment to scream that I LOVE CALEB DRAKE!!!!!!!!! Omg. I love him with a serious intensity. Ok, I hate him a teensy tiny bit too, but that’s all part of the fun. Protective, spontaneous, intelligent, and caring, he just made me melt. He was flawed, to be sure, that man was not perfect but still… my heart bled for him because he was just caught in the middle of this tumultuous storm of emotions and lies when all he wanted was the love a girl who just didn’t know how to love him back in a way that showed.

“You’re a good guy, Caleb Drake.”
“A man is only as good as what he loves most, right? I flinched.
Hopefully, that wasn’t true. I was about as rotten as a month old egg.

But like I said, I was also frustrated with him because he didn’t know how to be with her either. He pushed her too far at times instead of giving her the safety net she needed but on the flip side, he was nearly endlessly patient with her in certain other respects. But I think what angered me the most was how in the end, the reason she ended up walking away was in reaction to something he did and he couldn’t see that. It frustrated me to no end. He was utterly oblivious to how much his actions devastated her.

“You will remember me every day for the rest of your life because I was the one and you threw me away.”

*sigh*

This book perfectly captures the feeling of first love – and I don’t mean the starry rainbows and butterflies of the beginning of a relationship, I mean the soul-deep, rooted-in-your-heart depths of first love… the kind that can’t be diminished even years of heart ache, betrayals and devastation. The kind you don’t forget and can never replace.

These characters are just so deeply flawed but with the way the story is written, you can see why they did what they did. I felt like even things that I’d normally hate to read about in other books, I was okay with here because of how much I could understand where each character was coming from.

So now… about Leah. I didn’t actually hate her outright. I tried to be understanding of her because it wasn’t as though she’d come on scene when Caleb and Olivia were a couple. She arrived afterwards and fallen in love with a man who could never love her back the way she loved him because he would be forever in love with someone else. No claim she could lay on him – no jewelry or vows – would ever buy the piece of his heart that belonged to Olivia. And that was actually kind of tragic to me so at first, I tried to be understanding. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hated what she represented which was someone that stood in the way of the happily-ever-after of the couple I was rooting for and I hated things she did. But, when I tried to look at things from her perspective, yes, many of her actions were extreme bordering on unhinged but… I kind of understood her too. That didn’t mean I agreed with her or her actions because I didn’t but I still just tried to “get” where she was coming from.

She just wanted Caleb. Was that a crime? In romance-novel-world, sure, yes it is. But I can’t really fault her for wanting to fight for him even though I wished she’d just vanish off the face of the earth. It was actually something else that happened in the story later that made me despise her because it showed another side to her that just made me ill.

The book wasn’t quite as angsty as I expected at first and so here I was, totally wrapped up in the story, thinking I had a good handle on where things were going when the 70% mark hit and HOLY TWIST!! Oh. my. God. Shivers went straight up through me – neck to toes. I teared up. Couldn’t breathe. Woah!!! And from that point on it really built. This is where the train-wreck analogy comes in because I knew how it would end but I could not look away.

The ending gutted me. It was a quiet pain. No sudden twist or startling conclusion but just the realization of an inevitability that had been building that was full of absolute, heart-wrenching pain. I wouldn’t actually call it a cliffhanger because it didn’t leave you hanging… it just didn’t end with the characters where you wanted them. Not at all. Thankfully though there are two more books in the series and so the story isn’t over yet.

But you know one of the other things I loved about this book was that it was ballsy. It went where few romance novels ever go. It crossed all sorts of lines most romance novels never cross and unapologetically trampled over every bit of my heart. But it made me feel. I loved that.

To any readers out there who haven’t yet read this and are on the fence, I say go for it!!!! Just be tolerant. The whole story is a giant mess. Expect that. Just ride it out and enjoy the craziness!

Like I said above, this is one of the best books I’ve read. I swear, more than half my book is highlighted. The writing is just gold. Absolutely phenomenal. It’s captivating, heart breaking, and devastating at times and the characters are deeply flawed but… I still have hope.

I’m holding out for love to win… It has to.

Right?

5+ stars!!

Casting – honestly, I’m too wrapped up in this story to stop and cast them at this point. I’ll do it when I’m done reading them all but for now, I actually really like the pics used on the covers…

“LOVE ME WITH LIES” SERIES READING ORDER

Book #1 – The Opportunist – Kindle | Paperback | My Review

Book #2 – Dirty Red – Kindle | Paperback | My Review

Book #3 – Thief – Kindle | Paperback | My Review

Book Review – Lick: Stage Dive 1 by Kylie Scott

July 15, 2013 by Aestas · 21 Comments

Buy LICK (Kindle)
Buy LICK (Paperback)

“So congratulations. You’re married to a rock star.”

I’d been wishing for a new rock star book and this one hit the spot and rocked my world!!

Lick is an addictive blend of heart-warming passion and light-hearted fun. It’s a story you can lose yourself in. The perfect rock star romance! 5 stars!

This book had one of the all-time best beginnings ever. I challenge anyone to try and stop reading after the first page!

Evelyn wakes up one morning with a killer hangover and painfully fuzzy memories, in bed with a gorgeous, heavily inked man she doesn’t remember with his name tattooed on her body and a giant sparkling diamond on her finger. Needless to say, this happened in Vegas 😉

From the very beginning, my heart was already breaking a little for this guy though because he clearly remembered what had happened despite her mindblank.

“Let me get this straight, you don’t remember anything?”
“No,” I said, swallowing hard. “What did we do last night?”
“We got fucking married.” he growled.

After getting over the shock she’s faced with the question… to divorce or not to divorce??

Plan A involved just trying to put everything behind her but she got about as far as the plane before she was hounded by hordes of paparazzi. Turns out that her mystery husband was not only in a band but in a world-famous-fall-on-your-knees-and-worship-them kind of band and by this point literally everyone on the planet (except her still) knew a version of what happened that night.

So Plan B came into effect and off she headed back to his place to try and settle things that way…

Me: Private jet was amazing. Though his fans are crazy…
Lauren: Whatever happens, do not break up the band!!!
Me: Got it.
Lauren: But break his heart. He wrote San Pedro after what’s-her-face cheated on him. That album was BRILLIANT!
Me: Promise to leave him a broken quivering mess.
Lauren: That’s the spirit.
Me: xx.

But she’d stepped into a crazy rock star world. No one was pleased at her new role in it, she just wanted out, and she couldn’t read David but he sure as hell just seemed plain unhappy. But I loved that Ev took it all in stride. Sure, it was overwhelming at times but she was such a strong character and didn’t let anything bring her down.

There was, however, something undeniable between them. A spark… something ‘more’. So they took the weekend to give them a second chance to explore that feeling between them that just felt so ‘right’.

“I… actually, I’d like to be alone for a minute.”

He made a growly noise and suddenly his arms wrapped around me, pulling me in against him. He caught me off guard and I stumbled, my nose bumping into his chest. It hurt. Bur he smelled good. Clean, male, and good. Familiar. Some part of me remembered being this close to him and it was comforting. Something in my mind said ‘safe’. But I couldn’t remember how or why.

I totally fell for David. Everything about him just made my heart melt. He was just so sweet and tender. Definite swoon material but at the same time, my heart broke for him…

“It’s not fair that I remember and you don’t, Evelyn.”

Ev was a refreshingly down-to-earth, non-ditzy, understanding heroine. I honestly did not feel frustrated with her even once. I respected her decisions and loved the way she handled everything.

The writing was so real! This author had a way of describing things that put you ‘right there’ in the moment seeing everything play out in front of your eyes. It was witty, smooth flowing with just the right touch of snark to keep me smiling throughout.

Ok – now here’s what really and truly made this book GOLD to me. The characters were just so functional!! Never once did I want to throttle anyone or throw the book at the wall. Now, don’t get me wrong, there was heart-break, the characters messed up and it was certainly not all sunshine and rainbows but the way they reacted to everything was believable and never over-the-top.

I also loved that the drama in this one was very personal. Yes, he was a world-famous rockstar but the issues here were all very relationship focused and ‘internal’ having to do with “them”, not with paparazzi or his fame or anything.

I was totally connected to the characters every step of the way. I was happy when they were happy and my heart broke along side theirs.

“Love isn’t always smooth or straightforward. It can be messy and painful,” he said. “Doesn’t mean it still isn’t the most incredible thing that can ever happen to you.”

I loved that they talked through their issues. I loved that there was no instant forgiveness and yet at the same time nothing was dragged out. It felt very balanced to me. Their healing after the heart-break was very believably paced and so by the end, I really felt that their happy ending had a foundation.

“His hands cupped my face, holding me to him. The kiss was so sweet and perfect. It was a promise, one that wouldn’t be broken this time. We’d both learned from our mistakes and we’d keep learning all our lives.”

This is a book about taking chances and following your heart and dreams. It was a feel-good rock star romance with just the right amount of everything you could possibly want in one.

Seriously guys, this book has no game-playing, no stupidity, no unnecessary drama, believable issues, and understandable reactions. It has very “real” characters who make mistakes and yet try to fix them. It was a great blend of warm fuzzies, hotness and heart ache with a wonderfully happy ending that took it’s time and made me ‘believe’. Bottom line… I loved it!!

Highly recommended!

5 stars!

PS – this is the first book in a series but it reads as a standalone. No cliffhanger. Each book will be about a different couple and I can’t wait for the next in the series!

Buy LICK (Kindle)
Buy LICK (Paperback)

Casting

David #1, David #2

*** SERIES READING ORDER ***

Each book is a standalone about a different couple
but it is recommended to read them in order.

Stage Dive 1 — LICK (David)
Buy for Kindle | Buy in Paperback | Read my Review

Stage Dive 2 — PLAY (Mal)
Buy for Kindle | Buy in Paperback | Read my Review

Stage Dive 3 — LEAD (Jimmy)
Buy for Kindle | Buy in Paperback

Stage Dive 4 — DEEP (Ben)
Buy for Kindle | Buy in Paperback

Book Review – Bully by Penelope Douglas

July 14, 2013 by Aestas · 14 Comments

“You were my tempest, my thunder cloud, my tree in the downpour. I loved all of those things, and I loved you. But now? You’re a fucking drought. I thought that all the assholes drove German cars, but it turns out that pricks in Mustangs can still leave scars.”

Buy BULLY (Kindle)

Bully was a wonderfully addictive read that kept my heart racing from start to finish. It was a unique twist on the bad boy meets good girl tale. I could not put it down! 5 stars!!

He loves me… He loves me not… He loves me… He loves me not…

Jared and Tate grew up next door to each other. Jared was sweet, generous and friendly and they were the best and closest of friends. But not anymore. The kid who had held her hand through the pain of losing her mother, who had climbed trees with her, and who had snuck over for sleepovers was gone and now he seemed to live solely to torment her.

“Every party we go to, or every time I relax at school, there’s some prank or embarrassment to ruin it.”

The title of this book did not lie! The hero genuinely was a bully in the first part of the book and to be honest, I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to fall for him. He was mean. Not like violent or abusive or anything, but the things he said and did were genuinely hurtful and unkind.

“Even after everything he’d done, part of me still missed that boy who was my waking thought and constant companion as a kid. But that Jared was gone now. In his place was a sour, hateful douchbag that had no regard for me.”

But the real question that I kept asking myself was… why? As a general rule, behavior like his is a result of some sort of extreme hurt but for the life of her, Tate couldn’t figure out what she did to wrong him and she was hurting deeply both for their lost friendship and for the pain he was causing in her life.

Now, because the story was told entirely from Tate’s perspective, it was a while before I got to discover what had made Jared turn into a bully which left me plenty of time to wonder at the possibilities…

Everything about him was just so contradictory. He blared music late at night so she couldn’t sleep but covered for her at school when she was in trouble. He made sure none of the guys at school ever touched yet and yet clearly didn’t want her for himself. I kept trying to figure him out. Maybe it was his messed up way of trying to protect her? Maybe he didn’t feel good enough for her and was trying, in the only way he knew how, to look out for her?

A part of me couldn’t help but try to rationalize or at least understand what was going on inside his head because the more I read, the more it was clear that his actions were not just straight up meanness. There was something more behind it. Misguided and wrong perhaps but I could sense something… ‘good’ in him maybe? Although at first I wondered if maybe that was just my natural desire to redeem the hero of my book… needless to say, it stirred up a lot of questions and kept me totally hooked and curious to see where the story would go next.

I also really want to point out how much I loved the heroine. She was smart, sassy and certainly no pushover. Given the ‘bullying’ theme of the book and how she was the victim of it, I was curious how she’s react to it all and was pleasantly surprised to see how much she fought back and stood her ground. She even had several badass moments and certainly earned my respect as a character. In her own words: “I wasn’t a whiner and I didn’t want to be rescued.” <— yup! I loved her!

This book will make you see where bullies come from and show you how a perfectly sweet and loving person can be shaped into a tormentor.

“This is how bullies are made.”

The author did a phenomenal job of portraying Jared. She managed to capture his conflict in subtle ways that were just strong enough to keep you guessing at his real motivations behind his actions. He was clearly being a bully but at the same time, it was also clear that he wasn’t a bad guy.

“There was a time when I had all his attention and I loved it. And as much I wanted him to leave me alone, I also liked..the way he was looking at me right now. And then I remembered that I hated him.”

I will say though that despite everything going on between them – Jared and Tate had some seriously chemistry!! Talk about unresolved sexual tension! I mean really! But I loved that despite everything he did while he was being mean, that he never crossed the line into touching her… that again was more proof to me of him feeling something deeper for her.

“Don’t touch me.” I’d meant to yell, but it came out as a whisper.

Jared moved his head from side to side trying to catch my eyes, his lips inches from my face. “If I ever lay my hands on you,” he said low and husky, “you’ll want it.”

I really hated myself for admitting it, but despite the bullying, he made my heart flutter. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I know. But still… *flutter*

I loved the way the author subtly included little elements and details that made me fall for him while he was being a bully but yet that also didn’t excusing his actions. She made it clear to the readers that there was something deeper beneath the surface… something that the heroine couldn’t quite see at first.

Parts of the book just had me grinning like crazy – almost in a way that was a little reminiscent of the Neighbor from Hell books but.. in high school. Gah! It felt wrong but I just couldn’t stop smiling in certain places. But then something would happen that would sober me right up.

“I hate you!” I screamed at his face and meant every word…

“Good!” he shouted in my face, boring down on me. “Finally. Because it’s been a long time since I could stand the sight of you… I promise you will be in tears by next week.”

Little by little, Tate began to piece together bits of his life… a life she hadn’t been a part of since his ‘change’ at fourteen. She begins to notice things… scars on his back, subtle ways that he protected her… and yet none of it quite added up.

“When Jared was fourteen, his father called and asked if Jared could come and visit him for the summer. Happily, Jared agreed and left for eight weeks. After that visit, though, he returned cold and cruel.”

But I still just couldn’t figure Jared out. Did he like her (somewhere deep down inside)? Did he hate her (unlikely, based on his actions and words)? What made him so angry with her? Why did he want to hurt her? Why did he want to protect her? … Questions. Questions. Never-ending questions. I needed to know WHY!

This book also had a lot of deeper issues going on as well. When someone is bullied, how far do they get pushed before they retaliate? And, by doing so, are they not themselves just perpetuating the cycle by becoming a bully themselves? Or is it self-defense? Is it justified? Understandable? Necessary? Completely wrong? Where were the lines drawn?

I was nervous going into this book… could I fall for a bully? Did I even want to? I hate bullying. It makes me sick. But I could sense from early on that Jared was a little different. He certainly wasn’t all bad and his actions weren’t random… and something about him made me desperate to find out what had happened to him to make him the way he was. It had to have been bad…

When his backstory came out, it broke my heart. Completely. It explained everything. It of course didn’t excuse it, but knowing what had happened in his life, you could at least understand where he was coming from.

But at the same time I absolutely adored how, despite the tragedy of it, Tate didn’t just fall into a weepy heap and accept him back. He had seriously wronged her (regardless of his reasons) and she made him work to earn her forgiveness.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know I can make this up to you. Don’t hate me.”

The book took me through a range of emotion and even left me teary in places seeing the friendship they’d once had, the hurt that was left over, the anger that was thrown around and the hearts that were left bruised.

This was one of those books that made me want to slow down and pace myself so that I didn’t finish it too soon. The story sucked me in, made me care, and totally absorbed me in these characters’ lives and journeys. It made my heart race, break and heal. I loved every word.

“Are you mine?” I asked as I wiped me tears.

He kissed the corners of my mouth softly… “Always have been,” he whispered.

This is a New Adult book. There is steam and sex. The scenes are not fade-to-black, but yet also are not overly graphic. They’re more emotional than anything.

There is definitely a happy ending here. No cliffhanger! But, this is the first of a series so it does leave room to explore their story further after this book so there is no epilogue. But still, I was left completely happy, satisfied and overflowing with warm, fuzzy emotions.

From start to finish, Bully grabbed a hold of my heart. I could not put it down. I could not stop turning the pages. I honestly can’t believe that this a debut novel! The writing was effortless and just allowed you to flow seemlessly through the story. I was very impressed and will certainly be looking out for more from Penelope Douglas.

Highly recommended!

Rating: 5 stars! Can be read as a standalone.

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Casting

Series listed in order. Click covers to purchase.

Book Review — Left Drowning by Jessica Park

July 1, 2013 by Aestas · 10 Comments

What does it take to rise from life’s depths, swim against the current, and breathe?

Weighted down by the loss of her parents, Blythe McGuire struggles to keep her head above water as she trudges through her last year at Matthews College. Then a chance meeting sends Blythe crashing into something she doesn’t expect—an undeniable attraction to a dark-haired senior named Chris Shepherd, whose past may be even more complicated than her own.

As their relationship deepens, Chris pulls Blythe out of the stupor she’s been in since the night a fire took half her family. She begins to heal, and even, haltingly, to love this guy who helps her find new paths to pleasure and self-discovery.

But as Blythe moves into calmer waters, she realizes Chris is the one still strangled by his family’s traumatic history. As dark currents threaten to pull him under, Blythe may be the only person who can keep him from drowning.

This book is intended for mature audiences due to strong language and sexual content.

Release date: July 16, 2013

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Spoiler-free Advance Copy review.

5 stars!

This book was magic! A well crafted story that built slowly and quietly in intensity. Jessica Park’s writing is beautifully detailed and painfully honest. Left Drowning sneaks up on you. One moment you’re fine, the next moment you can barely breathe.

I was emotionally invested in this story right from the book’s dedication. I’m going to share it with you here because it’s just so beautiful and truly sets the tone for the entire story:

“This book is for everyone who has survived. You are not broken. You can love and be loved, despite what may feel like the eternally brutal nature of the world. Even when you’re drowning and so far under, there is always time to reach for someone who will teach you how to breathe again.”

I love books that surprise me and go down paths that I’m not expecting. On the surface, this is the story of a girl who is essentially drowning in the tragedy of her past, of losing everyone she’s loved in one way or another, and who is unable to let go of the pain. Then she meets this guy and for the first time since her life shattered, he makes her feel safe and whole and begins to help her heal. But the more she finds out about him, the more she realizes that despite his strong and protective exterior, he too is hurting just as much on the inside and is deeply scarred by his past… and maybe, she might have to save him too.

“I wish he wouldn’t look at me, I also wish he’d never stop.”

“We both have pasts full of pain and… he emanated survival in the way I want to.”

“I could breathe him in forever. I could fall in love forever.”

The first half of this book is very, very slow building… even sweet at times. It wasn’t gripping at first but it was totally engaging — taking the time to connect you with the characters. I loved that it was about more than just the romance though, it was also just as much a story about family — about strong, beautifully resilient sibling bonds. The sibling dynamics in this story were just gold! Sabin! Oh gosh, everyone should have a Sabin in their lives <3

Blythe and Chris fell in love quietly. But as drawn to each other as they were, something was holding Chris back and she couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Despite their undeniable connection, he kept pulling away.

“I went too far with you and I shouldn’t have. I’m not really boyfriend material.” …
“Did you ever consider that I’m not girlfriend material?”…
“Yes, you are. You’re outstanding girlfriend material. I’m the one who’s all kinds of fucked up. Trust me.”

But I loved that despite their strong physical connection and the magnetic pull between them, the first thing to develop between them was really just their bond. It was something stronger than friendship, a very deeply rooted connection that went beyond anything romantic.

This isn’t about sex or lust. It’s about closeness, and safety…

“You’ll stay?”

“Always,” he says.

As a reader, I’m usually all about the upfront commitment in a relationship but I could feel in my heart from the very start that they were right for each other and was just happy to watch their relationship develop slowly.

Then out of no where, this book went from quiet to INTENSE!! There was this scene in particular where it really just slammed right into me. Everything about it – the vivid descriptions, the character dynamics, the intensity was just absolutely powerful and felt so real.

Both Blythe and Chris were deeply scarred by their pasts in different and yet lasting ways. I loved that they each understood each other fell in love with the person who their scars had shaped them to be. It was real. They were shaped by their scars and their pain but were healed by their love and their bond.

But I got so comfortable in the gentle pacing of the first half of the book that the intensity really snuck up on me. One minute I was fine, the next minute I swear to God I felt my heart break. Literally break. It blind sided me and was so fucking painful I felt it in my soul. Ice flooded my veins in an instant. I teared up. My heart was in my throat. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Seriously.. bring tissues, guys.

As it continued, my heart was slowly ripped out. I felt sick to my stomach and this is a real tribute to Jessica Park’s writing because without the slow build up that had first bonded me to the characters, what happened would never have hit me this hard.

And then, just when I thought my heart was hurting as much as it possible could, it shattered. Fucking shattered. I don’t even have words for it. I was too hurt to cry. In shock, pain, betrayal. I felt everything that Blythe felt. This wasn’t how the story was supposed to go.

Few books have made me feel this helpless before as a reader just watching the story careening out of my control down the wrong path. I just read chanting in my mind “this can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be fucking happening!”

So I seriously can’t tell you how relived felt when things began to get fixed. Ohhhhh the relief. I clung to every shred of hope.

“I want more than anything for the power of us together to be stronger than the power of the damage. If I still believed in God, in anything, I would be praying.“

I loved the way it all came together in the end. I’ve sat and thought about it a little now and I realize that I had all the pieces of the story all along. But just the way your mind keeps you from remembering certain memories before you’re ready, I think my mind was holding me back from piecing everything until then end. There were definitely elements that I suspected but I never realized just how entwined everything was.

This book deals with heavy themes and heart breaking realities highlighting the damage done and marks left by an abusive home. But it also shows the beautiful resilience of siblings bonds, and the salvation and healing power of love — of loving someone unconditionally not in spite of their scars but because of who their scars had shaped them to be.

“This is all sorts of fucked up.”
“I know, baby. I know. But the best kind of fucked up.”

Left Drowning will touch your heart and take you on a powerful and beautifully crafted journey of love, loss, survival and healing.

It has a happy ending, guys. Please don’t be scared off by the intensity I was talking about. This is an absolute must-read! There’s a little bit of everything in it — humour, heart ache, healing… and most importantly, a happy ending 🙂

“What are you doing?”
“Loving you,” he says simply. “If you’ll let me.”
“Always. God, always.”

Left Drowning lived up to my every expectation. Everyone should put this book on their radar!

Rating: 5 stars. Standalone romance.

Casting:

Chris
Blythe

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Book Review — BRANDED by Abi Ketner and Missy Kalicicki

June 28, 2013 by Aestas · 129 Comments

Darkness. Death. Violence. Pain.

Now every day is a fight for survival. But I won’t die. I won’t let them win. The Hole can’t keep me. The Hole can’t break me. I am more than my brand. I’m a fighter.

My name is Lexi Hamilton, and this is my story.

New Adult Dystopian with a forbidden romance. Spoiler-free review.

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“I love you… I don’t want you to ever question it. I’d give up my life for yours. That’s how much I love you. Don’t you dare ever doubt that.”

WOW!!!

Fast paced, action-packed and emotionally charged, Branded is a phenomenal Dystopian debut with a forbidden romance that will capture your heart!

The writing was strong, I fell in love with the characters and was totally wrapped up in the world. There was a forbidden romance (and I mean REALLY forbidden), a swoon-worthy hero, a strong heroine and a super evil bad guy. Now, I don’t normally read Dystopians but this one had me HOOKED!!!

In a society where Sinners of the seven deadly sins are branded and incarcerated, everyone’s lives are always at risk. It didn’t matter than Lexi was innocent and it made no difference what she said. She was accused, condemned and thrown into The Hole – a hellish, filthy, self-contained prison with no rules and no way out.

“I don’t want to die, but at the same time, I wish I were dead.”

She was assigned a guard – Cole. But there was more to him than met the eye. Something about him was different than all the other guards. Something in him was good. And, as she slowly acclimatizes to her new life in the Hole, they grew closer and closer.

But in the Hole, relations between Guards and Sinners is punishable by torture and death. It is final, it is brutal and it is the world they live in. But… they’re still falling for each other. Hard.

“I never planned on falling for you. You were just an assignment. But it just sort of happened and now… There’s not a single thing I would change about you. When you smile, my entire world stops. All I see is you. I need you.”

I don’t even know where to start with how much I loved this! It was a total change of pace for me because I never usually read Dystopian books. I mean, I read the Hunger Games, but that was it. I guess I just generally prefer books that focus more strongly on romance. But sometimes you want more than just a romance, you know? You want a bit of an adventure… something thrilling and different that’ll sweep you away into another world and Branded delivered that.

It was a non-stop roller coaster ride. My emotions were all over the place. Fear. Disgust. Betrayal. Love. Swoon (yes, swoon is an emotion). Despair. Hope. It had my heart in knots and I loved every minute of it!

Now I know the story is classified as mature YA but let me tell you, it is gory, gruesome and gritty!! Certainly not for the faint of heart! I swear, there is this one flashback scene that I’m going to need therapy after reading!! But, that being said, that grittiness was so effective in pulling you right into the world. The world itself was gritty and you felt it.

I swooned pretty hard over Cole. In fact, let me take a minute here to shout this: I LOVE COLE!!!! The forbidden angle gave the romance such a thrill to it. You could see him fighting his feelings for her. Being so badass and protective of her. But there was so much more at stake than just their feelings. There were just so many layers dictating all of their actions as they lived under the constant fear of punishment by death simply for the crime of falling in love. Mess up and die. Fall in love and die.

“He takes my face into his hand, and reassures me. “So outside of these walls, we can’t stand each other.”

But you see their bond grow and it’s scary because you’re both rooting for their relationship and just terrified because you see first hand the consequences of a relationship between a Guard and Sinner. There was so much swoon and so much fear!

“The last thing I want is for you to be afraid of me. But I want you to trust me. I need you to trust me.” He sighs and I hear the pain and confusion in his voice.

“Why?”

“I don’t know why and it scares the hell out of me.” He swallows hard…

Part of me screams for him to run for his own safety, but I don’t want him to move. My heart begs… Please stay with me. Forever.”

Lexi was a strong, wonderful heroine you couldn’t help but sympathize with. She was a fighter at her heart but everything in her life just kept kicking her down. I loved seeing her strength grow over the course of the book.

“You won’t break me if that’s what you’re worries about.”
He walks over, places one arm around my back, and lifts me…
“After this, I’m not sure anyone could,” he whispers.“

Now, relationship-wise this book is YA in that there is no sex in it. But let me tell you, this is one of those stories where the connection between the hero/heroine is so strong that the descriptions of their actions doesn’t need to be graphic for you to FEEL it. Like there’s this scene, after a fight and he’s just washing blood off her hand (not even something romantic per say) but ohhhhh myyyy God did it make my heart clench! Seriously. I FELT it.

“Shhh…” He grips me closer to his body and then softly whispers in my ear, “I’m about to kiss you, and once I start I won’t be able to stop. Just thought I should warn you.”

And this whole relationship is developing in the midst of a world with daily gun fights in the streets, explosions, rapes, murders, injustice and a world under the dictatorship of an evil Commander.

The book is not all dark and grit though. There were definitely happy moments that shone through the darkness showing that even in this pit of absolute despair, there were still people with good in their hearts! But holy hell!! There were also a few scenes that just rendered me speechless with how nightmarish they were! I loved that there was a bit of everything in this book though. The plot was full of twists and turns and was fast paced enough that you were always reading about something new and yet took it’s time enough that you were able to develop a close connection to the characters.

And I just want to point out that Branded has THE awesomest dog EVER in it. His name is Zeus, he belongs to Cole (though he’s pretty sure he belongs to Lexi) and I seriously adore him and could not review this book without sending him a shout out.

Don’t forget though that this IS a Dystopian. There’s fighting, battles, rebellions, and a whole story outside of the romance but for those of you who are hard-core romance fans, Cole and Lexi’s relationship will keep you turning the pages to find out what happens to them.

The ending is thankfully NOT a cliffhanger!! They were together and safe, for now at least. Their story is far from over but my heart can rest easy for now while I eagerly await book #2.

Fans of the Hunger Games absolutely MUST read this but know that, in my opinion, Branded knocks The Hunger Games out of the water!

Abi Ketner and Missy Kalicicki are an author power team to watch out for!

I can’t wait for more from the Sinners series and to find out what happens next with Lexi and Cole!

“Just leave me,” I whisper in his ear.
“Never.”

5 stars

If you’re still on the fence, you can Read Chapter #1 to get a feeling for it.

CASTING

Cole – Casting #1, Casting #2
Lexi – Casting #1, Casting #2

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INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHORS:
ABI KETNER & MISSY KALICICKI

Since you guys are a writing team, I’m so curious about what your writing process is. How do you divide it up? Do you work together on each scene or each write different sections of the book? Tell us how it works!

Hmmm how two authors work together. Usually one of us will begin writing. Then whoever it is, sends it to the other person who adds, changes, or comes up with new scenes. Then that person sends it back. Eventually it makes its way to the editor who then suggests more things, and we start the process again. It sounds more complicated than it is. As far as who does what, Abi is stronger with dialogue and I’m stronger with action. But in all reality, there are times when we switch or when our writing is so intertwined that you can’t tell who is writing what anymore. It works for us though. 🙂

What was the inspiration for the book and what made you both decide to start?

Well, we used to meet at a local Italian restaurant to catch up. Inevitably, we’d begin talking about the books we were reading—what we liked, disliked etc. Then Abi came up with the idea of branding people with the seven deadly sins. She asked if I wanted to write with her and that’s how it started. It was just something fun at the time but when we finished we thought, hmmmm, maybe this is a story other people would want to read. So here we are!

Do the characters surprise you as you write and change your story lines or do you guys always know exactly where the story is going in advance?

A little of both. When we started, we didn’t really have a plan. We just wrote and went where the book took us. When we got serious about publishing, then we started meeting on a regular basis to discuss our characters—what we wanted them to look like, personality traits, language etc…

What are your plans for the series right now?

We’re currently writing book 2 and we’re also tossing around ideas for other novels. 🙂 Overall, we’re just enjoying the ride!

Thank you both for taking the time to chat!

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